I'm going to jail i love you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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