There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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