did you get engaged???
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My pussy is not your playground.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
