I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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