Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
