Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
