Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
