I CAN MOONWALK!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
