nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just gargled with NyQuil
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
