you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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