I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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