he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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