On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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