i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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