i permit you to call me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
