Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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