party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize