Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
