I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
