yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
