Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
