apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
