I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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