hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
