New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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