i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
