I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
