Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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