Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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