Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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