hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
