I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
