We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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