So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
