I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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