why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize