Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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