i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
