Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
