please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Enjoy the penises
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
