That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think your dad took our porno
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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