I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
