im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
