Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
