pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
