Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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