Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
