your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
