so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Soap is not a condiment
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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