Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
