Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
