The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
