i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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