i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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