when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
