porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize