i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
