Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
