I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
