Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
and you fell through a lawn chair
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
