Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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