I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
